Happy Mother’s Day!

A mother’s view is often very different from how the rest of the world sees them.  She sees her child’s beauty, her husband’s talents, and her friend’s successes.   What she often does not see, is herself.

I have a mirrors in my home, which is normal.  I see my face when I put on make-up and do my hair.  I occasionally catch a glance when I wash my hands or when I am backing up my car.  I see myself standing there, but I don’t really notice the person.  Not really.  The problem with ignoring the sight of myself  is, over the years, I have been able to ignore the physical changes that have occurred as a direct result of lack of self-care.

I once considered it vain to spend time in the mirror or at a gym.  People who spent time on self-improvement or caring for their bodies obviously had nothing better to do.  It was almost a badge of honor as a “good mom” to personally look like you cared very little about your own well-being.  If I wasn’t taking care of myself, the assumption must be it is because I am spending so much time taking care of my family.  When did this become ok?  Maybe it was a movement  lost in feminist translation somewhere – we don’t have to look good all of the time for our husbands and families anymore, so we don’t.  It’s really gotten to a point where, when I see another mom with young kids (especially one with four or more like me) and she looks put together and physically fit, I stare like she’s an anomaly of a woman.  Someone who obviously “does it all!”  (True or not, I still place her on a pedestal.)

Here is what I’ve come to realize (and this is nothing new, just new to me), ignoring myself isn’t a badge of courage, it’s a cop-out and it’s hurting those around me.  It’s taking a toll on my body and my mind, which is taking moments away from my family.  It means a lack of family pictures, a lack of patience because of exhaustion, a lack of mental clarity, and a lack of energy to simply keep up with all a home of six requires.  My kids think I am beautiful no matter what.  They are the epitome of unconditional love.  I am very fortunate to have a dedicated and loving husband and sweet, endearing children that love me for who I am no matter my hair, my face, my size.  Raising them to be giving, caring, thoughtful children who love to learn and are comfortable in who God made them to be is one of my highest priorities.  As a mom I am dedicated to this cause.  But even so, it is not for them that I must take care of myself, it is because of them.  I need to start letting myself be loved – by me, so that I may do what I want most – to spend more time enjoying moments with them and living a full life.  As Bob Goff, one of my favorite author’s and philanthropists says, “Love does”.  So this is the part where I “do”.  To clarify, I am talking about 20-30 mins a day (at least) to take care of my health.  I am talking about positive self-talk.  I am talking about squelching consuming habits that eat away at my time and energy.  For me, this looks like scheduling my walks/runs or gym time on my calendar just like every other daily event I want to remember to do.  Saying “no” to events that conflict with that time.  It means writing this blog so I can see and appreciate tangible results.  It even meant deleting Facebook off of my iPhone.  Even though it seems counter-intuitive that spending time on me allows me to spend more time with them, it’s true.  And I can no longer ignore it.

I will never be a fashion-maven.  It isn’t part of my DNA.  I will probably always prefer flats over heels and will have a special place in my heart for yoga pants and, what my husband calls, my “going out t-shirts”.  But if this journey allows me to be a better version of me for them, then it’s hard to think of anything more important.  When I look in the mirror (maybe not every time, but at least once a day), I am going to stop and notice the person there.  I am going to appreciate the view that everyone around me sees and know that I am beautiful.  I am not on this journey so I can look good in a little black dress (that’s a bonus side effect), I am on this journey so that my kids know the importance of nurturing, not just their minds, but their bodies as well.  I teach them this, but it’s time to show them.

Here is how a wonderful husband and children support their wife/mother when she decides she wants to run 13.1 miles in a crazy fit of insanity.

I’m pretty excited!  Day 2 is about getting my plan together and getting the tools in place.  And then taking some stock of all that makes me a great person, mom, friend and wife already.  Appreciating where I am, so I have a strong foundation to start building tomorrow.