Once upon a time Langston Hughes set out to answer this in his poem.  I first read this poem in my late 20s, during my first year as a Teacher.  I was teaching my first novel, Raisin in the Sun.  The very first page of this novel thrust us into the quintessential question…what happens to a dream deferred?

“What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up

Like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore –

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat

Or crust and sugar over –

Like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags

Like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?”

-Langston Hughes

So today, when I timidly pulled up this blog, my blog, after a long hiatus, this poem is what came to mind.  I stopped writing, because I stopped dreaming.  Sort of.

Months ago, right before my last post, I was starting to realize that the long run I was so proud of here resulted in a more serious, long-term injury.  (It’s painful to read and seems a lifetime away.)  I finally conceded to go to an Orthopedic doctor who promptly put me in my second boot in eight months.  My running was over.  Again.  I never officially cancelled my half marathon registration (I’m not even sure I can).  I just let it slip into oblivion.  My dream….deferred.

The second boot was a huge blow to my momentum and I’m not sure I’ve quite recovered from it yet, physically and mentally.  I had found a driving force, a passion, a purpose, and it seemed to be all gone.  I started incitinglife.com to document my transformation from non-runner to runner.  From lost to found.  I became depressed.  I had such grand plans, but they all hinged on this one journey and the journey was no longer mine for the taking.

But an inciting life and creating inciting incidences in our lives is not about the event, it’s about the journey.  It was never about running the half marathon, even though I made it about that.  The race was simply the symbol to represent my accomplishment.  The one I could show the world.  I envisioned the admiration of the stranger behind me at the stoplight when they spotted my 13.1 sticker on my tailgate and I was sure admiration and awe would ensue.  (Visions of grandeur anyone?)   A reward for my accomplishment, but not the accomplishment itself.   I let the elusive end take away my justification for the means and my elusion that the notoriety of my accomplishment was the end goal.  You see, if I had chosen my “reward” more thoughtful, like, let’s say,  health or energy (internal), instead of the sticker (external)….I would’ve found a way to my goal despite the obstacle.  It was never about the race (or it shouldn’t have been).  I made it about the race.  I chose wrong and it limited ability to overcome the setback.

So, my friend, sadly you will not find an answer from me on what happens to a dream deferred here.  I’m not sure.  And I couldn’t speak for the masses anyway.  For some, overcoming the obstacles to our dreams becomes the goal.  For some, the obstacles help chart a new and different (better?) course.  And for others, maybe me, we stand looking at the obstacles, analyzing, pouting about them, willing them away with little success.  But in the end I think I’ve realized a dream, my dreams, are never really completely deferred.  Not while I’m still around at least.  And sometimes, the journey for the dream we always thought would bring us happiness was simply acting as the catalyst to a new and better dream we hadn’t even thought of yet.