My whole life I’ve been told to dream big!  I could do anything I wanted.  The world was my oyster. (etc)  I was lucky to have such a large cheering section, many don’t have this kind of support and encouragement and can spend their whole lives overcoming doubt.  But what if, in an effort to tell our youth to dream big, accomplish it all, we neglect to teach them how to step small?  That sometimes the small steps are just as important as the big dreams, just as noteworthy, just as effective as a means to an end.

I am nothing if I am not a dreamer.  I dream up ways I can be better, do better…organize better, eat better, be kinder, gentler, more effective.  I love self-help, inspirational books and list-making.  I love to dream about “better”.  But then one day my dear husband wondered aloud, when do you stop reading, stop dreaming, and start doing?

Well huh…hmmmm…um…I don’t know?

I love dreamers and I think they make the world…better.  I do.  But often times, unless paired with a do’er, the dreamers can get lost amongst the “do’s”.  I wake up every morning (most mornings) with grand plans of what I will accomplish that day.  I end my day dejected and wondering what it was all for.  Hit repeat.  Here’s a bit of my dreamers-change-the-world-in-a-day to-do list I carry around with me all day: (Bare with me – it seems excessive, but it’s a pretty accurate, albeit absurd, picture into my mind.)

Get up earlier (tomorrow)

If I got up earlier we wouldn’t be rushing.

I should’ve set out the kids’ clothes last night (tomorrow)

Make breakfast

Make lunches (I should do those at night)

I need to workout, but if I workout I won’t have time to get the housework done

I need to get all of the laundry done.

I should be a better friend and invite people over

I need to look at our budget

I should really use the cash system and cut coupons

I need to reread Dave Ramsey’s book

What if I finally painted our bathroom to surprise my husband

Call the painter guy

I need to be better about reading to the kids at night

I need to cut back on my coffee

I wonder if I should start juicing

I need to read about going Paleo

I need to spend more playtime with the kids in the afternoon

I need to organize my volunteer work so it can be passed on to the next board member

I need to pray more about how I can help my church.  (I need to be better at prayer)

My desk is a mess, I should clean that

What should we have for dinner – I should cook more, it’d save us money

I should learn how to use my pressure cooker otherwise it was a waste of money, I am wasting food, we should eat more fruits and veggies

I should start a big clean out of my home and live more simply

If we didn’t have so much clutter I’d have more time, money, peace, etc.

I should make an effort to stay up later and talk with my husband tonight

Schedule a date night to keep my marriage strong

All of this passes through my head in a matter of minutes – sometimes over my morning cup of coffee.  I’m frozen with “needs and shoulda’s”.  I want my life to look EXACTLY like I think it should look – right here, right now.

And how my day actually looks…

Rush to get kids out door, quick kiss for the husband, rush home, answer e-mails, check Facebook (again), maybe snack, clean a little, read about how to be more productive and be a better person, review my to-do list (see above), debate about how to start, find something in my house I need to buy, go buy it (and 20 other things I didn’t realize I need), feel guilty for buying too much, eating too much, exercising too little, being too tired…and about half way through the day I’ve already given up and just start wishing away the second half of the day so I can start fresh tomorrow.

It’s exhausting.  And even the best of the dreamers have trouble keeping faith in their new-day dreams.

*Sigh*

That first step in a big dream can be debilitating.  What if I take that first step and…

it leads me down the wrong path?

it wasn’t what I dreamt it would be?

OR

*gasp*

it is HARD?!

BIG questions for such a SMALL step.  No wonder that first step crumbles.  Crushed under the weight of countless questions and doubt.

Today I am going to play tennis (small step).  I assure you, standing here in my overly-short tennis skirt, showing off my pasty white legs and overly-abundant thighs…I am questioning this choice with a frenzy that rivals the speed of light.  But it has been on my personal to-do list for years now.  It’s time.

Trust me, I have already planned an escape route, how I will excuse myself…may even resort to feigning leg cramps.  Hard to say.  I like to surprise even myself.

But I’m taking a step.  Today, I’m paring down my big tennis dreams of looking dreamy in my pressed white tennis outfit, gleaming white visor, tanned legs and high-end tennis racket and what I’m left with is…a nondescript grey tennis skirt, the ever-slimming black shirt, clunkier running shoes, a tennis racket belonging to my husband and a body that is, very likely, too big to be running around after a tennis ball for an hour.  But I’m going.  It may lead nowhere.  I may hate it.  I will assuredly be the least athletic one there.  Despite how heavenly that sounds to most, my confidence is wavering.  Must…stop…typing about it and DO it….

Wish me luck!

(P.S. – Playing tennis is not my biggest dream by any stretch.  It is simply the way I chose to practice taking those first steps.  I’m building up my “small step” endurance before I take on the life changers.)

 

**UPDATE** There was a tennis tournament today and so no group lessons.  Such is life.  Guess there is SOMETHING to be said for taking the time to plan and research. BUT I didn’t want to delete the post because it still stands true for the next time.  Plus, at least five people have now witnessed me sporting this outfit punctuated so prominently by these very white legs, so the secret is out…there’s no turning back now!