Word of the day: AKRASIA

As of this time last week, I had no idea that word even existed.  It’s an ancient word thrown around by some good ‘ol Greek Philosophers like Socrates and Aristotle.  Here’s what it means:

“the state of mind in which someone acts against their better judgment through weakness of will.”

Now, I came across this word via Google.  It had gotten soooo interesting around here that I sat down on one of my most productive days (kidding) and decided to ask “Dear Google, why do I procrastinate?”  Google-the-wise then spewed forth link after link with answers.  One of which was this one.  Bestill my heart…how did he know me so well?

Low-and-behold the #1 suggestion in this article was “Design Your Future Actions”.  And I was like “what?!”  Wait, that sounds familiar.  Where have I heard that before?  Oh yea, that’s right.  I have a BLOG dedicated to finding ways to incite action/behavior and create the life you want.  (This would be where I put the “sarcastic, roll-the-eyes emoji” if I was texting this to you.  P.S. I love emojis.)   Have you ever had one of those moments when you realize everything you needed was right there?  At some point the “past you” set things up, neglected them (in my case), so the “future you” could be surprised when you rediscovered something you already had in your arsenal.  (Surprises from yourself can be the MOST fun.)

So here I am.  Back in the saddle again (for your listening pleasure).  Thanks Gene.  I have eased this idea of “designing” my life back into mainstream thinking.  January is as good a place as any to get a fresh start, and then trip over your good intentions, bloody up your nose a bit, start again, stub your toe and then start again in earnest.

I write this blog and put my thoughts out there, not because I have all of the answers (or even ANY answers), but because I do know all (or at least some) of the questions we ask ourselves.  Questions like:

“Why do I wake up feeling so sure of myself and fall asleep every night feeling so defeated?”

“How can friend “X” have enough drive to…start her own business…lose weight…be crafty…and other ad nauseam comparisons I make, but I don’t?”

“Why can’t I get it ALL right EVERY day?”  (i.e. If I focus on health, my house becomes a disaster, etc.)

“What’s wrong with me?”

That last one is a loaded question.  Loaded with guilt, anger, sadness and, sometimes, hopelessness.  It’s so heavy that, sometimes, I can’t move.  On those days I turn to books, friends, family and (of course), Google.  It’s on those days when I need someone else to tell me what the next step is, how to see myself, or just to know I’m not alone.  It’s on those days when my inner voice isn’t loud enough to overcome the “id monsters” in my head. (Id, as in Id, Ego, Superego)  I picture it like that scene from Horton Hears a Who where one voice isn’t loud enough to be heard….sometimes…sometimes, you need your whole village to come together.

So after reading those books and blogs and talking to friends and to family, here’s what I’m working on:

Creating events based on a list I wrote about six months ago (after reading The Happiness Project).  I listed all the things that made me happy and then a second list of things that made me unhappy.  Side note: pumping up bike tires made my “unhappy” list…must have had a bad run in with said pump right before writing the list.

On my list were things like:

Date night with husband

Time with friends

Helping someone/voluteering

Animals

And so on…

I took that list and started scheduling events that complimented the things that made me happy.  I’ve learned that if I wait for the right time, to see what else might happen (soccer games, baseball games, sick kids, dishes…) life will sweep up my days like a nor’easter wind and leave me with a rubble pile of yesterdays.

Happy Thing 1 – Dates with husband

*This one was easy (this time) because our church had a Parent’s Night Out coming up and we were actually free.  So I signed us up and texted my husband.  Done.

Happy Thing 2 – Time with friends

*Just as easily I texted one of my good friends and asked her to meet for coffee the following week.  Two birds in no more than 5 mins.

Happy Thing 3 – Volunteering

*This one is still in the making.  I have printed off local charities and contacted some of the organizers.  I am letting their needs help determine the day(s) I go.  I have written “PFA/PTL meeting at school” on my calendar and plan on attending.  I don’t have expectations, but sometimes showing up is all you need to do and fate does the rest.

Happy Thing 4 – Animals

*From about 9-years-old until Freshman year in college, I rode horses.  I was a Hunter/Jumper.  I haven’t ridden, or jumped, since the week I found out I was pregnant with my, now, 12-year-old.  It was a passion of mine when I was young.  So, I called a local barn and got the pricing on riding lessons.  I also told the lady way too much about my experiences with horse and my current fears of returning to it.  She was kind and listened.  This one is the scariest of my “to-dos” so far.  I heard I might break easier at this age.  I haven’t set a date, but I did pull out my old saddle and cleaned it up.  My helmet still fits, the boots…not so much.  Thanks to gravity (I assume) my calfs took more of a hit than my head when I decided to start my expansion experiment.  (Eye roll emoji…man I miss those little guys.)

So that’s it.  Pretty simple.  But sometimes it’s the simple gestures that make the biggest difference.  I have given these happy things a place on my calendar, which I think (I hope) gives them credence.  Like a doctor’s apt or getting my hair done.  As it is written, so shall it be.  (At least that’s what I’ve heard.)

I am not expecting that I will ALWAYS act on my better judgement and never have a “weak will”, but I CAN give credence to this word AKRASIA that exists in us all, call it by name and know how to address it when I kick it’s ass.

And that….is your Word of the Day.